Ok..so here I m wid my nxt post..Y d delay??wel its silly..bt cudnt decide..wht 2 post nxt!!well i compltd my 1st yr in college n ths yr ws kinda my exposure 2 reality..my so calld journey in2 ths big bad wrld..i hv alwaz been a kind of persn enthusiastic enugh to learn thngs..n probably thts d reasn y MR Life chose 2 teach me a lot of things ths whole yr..so here goes d 7(out of many!)imp thngs Mr Life taught me(nt necessry in d corrct preferntial ordr!)--:
1. Aftr spendng 13 yrs in a co-ed school..whr life rockd..life in an all grls coll can be really tough specially if u r nt d kind who is in2 loads of rubbish talk, gossip,not a fashion freak,treat bth ur guy n grl frends as same..n ya u r nt made up 2 b a hypocrite!Belive me it cn gt extremely irritaitng at times to c d same species as urs anywhr n evrywhr u luk 24X 7..!!
2. I ws alwaz tld by my buddies tht i ws quite an altruist by nature..and sooner or latr it wud hurt me..and belive me it did..i ws kinda persn who wud confidently say" i dnt expect anythn in retrn of whtevr i do 4 othrs"..bt ths whole yr taught me tht FRENDSHP is jst nt a one sided process of selflessly helpng othrs evry possibl way in their time of need..widout expectng anythn!..Rathr there alwaz comes a time someday whn u expect thm 2 be by ur side..whn u need thm d mst..and whn they r nt..ya it does hurt..bt evn more importantly it removes 1 by 1 d bricks of d foundation of the relationship u built n nurturd all these yrs..n yah d feel gud factor vanishes..slowly..
3. D so calld status of being " comitted" is jst like the othr side of d river bank whc alwaz seems greener until u hv been thr..this whole yr witnessed most of my buddies findng there soul mates(atleast they wr in ths illusion!)followd by breakups..again followd by commitments n thn again heart breaks..seemd kinda viscious circle!!It taught me tht ppl call there mistakes wisdom n experience..so its b8r 2 learn 4m other's mistakes thn 2 repeat d same n call urslf experiencd!!n as they say its alwaz b8r 2 be single thn to be single again..;-)
4. It is an egregious mistake 2 lead a fool's army bcoz at d end of day ppl are nvr gonna appreciate ur efforts coz fools r by default made tht way..its best 2 act nescient thn 2 vouch 4 ur dexterity n thn say- i am struck up in a mess!
5. Nt 2 judge ppl by their 1st impression coz u r provd wrng all d time..as ths wrld is full of ppl who r undr d mask of pretention all d time..tryn to b somthng they r nt..n in today's time veritable ppl r as rare as d carribean monk seals..;-)!
6.It showd me my extreme levels of adjustment and tolerance..adjustment 2 coexist peacefully wid all sort of ppl who come 4m equally diverse backgrounds,beliefs n practice irritatng habits..i nvr knew until i lived in a hostel tht a persn like me who gets so easily buggd wid d noise of my bro's video game..cn easily tolerate my wingmate's "ohh!so-pathetic"choice of songs at full volume all nite..i discovrd tht hw mch i cud tolerate n stl smile whn thr is hardly anythng i likd abt a few of thm..it made me realise n appreciate d value n existence of my old frnds in my life..n ya it did teach me hw mch of an ambi-vert i am..!!
7. D wrld at d end of d day is full of gud thngs n gud ppl..its jst tht u need 2 fnd d rite place,rite chord,rite company,knw ur priorities n more so importantly fnd ppl whose existence does mk a diffrnc to u..n belive me wid thm around ths wrld is definitly a better place to live in..:-)
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Fragile Expectations...
“I don’t hav any right to live….I am not worthy of this life… I cudnot live upto their expectations….”----mumbling these wrds she grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills frm the cupboard,opened it and tossed the contents into her mouth,as if they were a bottle full of sugar coated candies….
Everything in this wrld seemed to move around her as if she ws hvng a ride on the Great wheel in a fair..just tht the element of fun,thrill n enjoyment ws completlely absent..everythng now seemed upside down,n slowly she cud feel her eyes closing as if they cud no longer bear the burden of these bouts of ever ending emotions, expectations and tht enormous guilt anymore..now as she closed those beautiful eyes which hd once cherished dreams of being the next Da Vinci or M.F Hussain, now all seem to elope away frm her life in the form of those crystals of tears running down her cheeks…she cud hazily see one of her creations on the wall in front of her ---
A woman sitting in a crouched position in a dark room,tears rolling down her cheek..lost in memories…carrying a gloomy mein as if lamenting over the irony of her life…
And suddenly evry single emotion tht she hd restrained to herself started to delude her mind.It seemed as if the ever dormant volcano had suddenly exploded somewhere inside her and the magma of emotions were burning each n every part of her soul with the intensity of the anger within her…She felt like screaming, screeching, howling but the cloud of drowsiness tht hd slowly strted to descend over her didn’t allow her to do so…
Every memory tht she cherished, she hated now seemed to dance in frnt of her eyes on the gloomy,morose n equally delirious tune of her soul…the feeling of De j`a vu` incircling her….The frst day she went to school...her frst class teacher Mrs Sinha…..her mom accompanying her to d art classes after school…the frst prize she won in the city level art competion….how much her parents were happy abt it…her evr cherished birthday gift tht imported art set tht her dad brought fr her….the pranks she n her frends played at school …the day mom scolded her fr getting poor marks in class 9…how much she hated science….Her frst crush…the dreaded time before 10 th boards…those sleepless nights….her mom’s constant reminder “u ought to get 90 % to get into the science stream of d best school in the city”…the results equally pathetic…Eh 90% ??Nah!a score of mere 73%...those never ending phone calls of relatives n frends enquiring about her results….whc all seemed just an effort to mock away her calibre…those endless fights wid parents over her decision to study arts instead of science….the whole week tht dad dint talk wid her…and her finally agreeing to study science…tht happiness on her dad’s face…her admission in d mediocre senior secondary school…tht sudden increase of the burden of studies…her mom coming up wid d idea of even more new tuitions everyday after evry discussion in her kitty parties and all this fueled up each time after some XYZ’s son joined a new tution…..Her still continued pathetic marks…those endless lectures by dad…”wid these marks how on this earth will u b an engineer or a doctor!!”(eh?who said she wnted to be one..) …her mom’s dialogue in d same rhetorical way---“ see , d amount of money ur dad is spending on ur coaching, You belong to a family of doctors , engineers n scientist ..how come u came out to be a jerk!cant u fr ur dad’s sake atleast clear AIMS like Mr Mehta’s son did or cant u qualify IIT ..just as Mrs Sharma’s daughter!”....
But how cud she hv when the structure of an amoeba and a phytoplankton both looked similar to her..she still depicted carbon pentavalent while drawing chemical structures…she still dint knew y an electrophile or nuceophile attacked the hexagon resembling figure tht people called benzene…the only thing tht she knew in permutation n combination ws tht 0! Ws equal to 1…it ws out of question to visualize 3D,vectors whn she cud hardly understand 2D theurems…..newton’s n archimedes’s law all seemed same to her…and she hd strted hating all those pulleys drawn all over her physics book!!..again came those evn more sleepless nights before her 12th boards ..n her mom’s oh so same question…” will u get 85 % atleast?you need to get more thn Mrs Shukla’s daughter, Remember she topped her school…your dad will so proudly announce ur results in frnt of his colleagues…remember how Mr Mishra threw a party on his son’s success"…Finally all these expectations come to an end today…a 51 % in XII boards..IITJEE?are u kidding?..AIMS?..out of question…today her disgustingly pathetic results hv made her parents head bow in frnt of all their so called relatives , well-wishers n yah!the-oh-so-famous parents of the next newtons and Einstein’s of the society…..!
She cudnot stand it anymore..the avalanche of pain…the gregarious monster of guilt and failure inside her mind had already taken up a voluptuous form and with the help of its huge tentacles ws suckimg away the Elixir of life deglutitively….the drowsiness now to its extremeties and her eyes now completely closed …her memories , dreams and tht vision now all blending and merging into tht fine line of horizon tht separates between life and death….into the darkness…yes into more groping darkness…
So Sharmistha died…leaving behind a lot question fr us to answer…Why is it tht teenagers like her who have a nack to pursue other things in life not allowed to persue their dreams…Her death is not the death of a single soul but the death of hundreds of sharmisthas who die after the declaration of board results evry year ..overburdened n after failing to satisfy evr ending expectations of guardians, teachers n peers….
In today’s 21st century ,Why is the society still coiled within d rusted chains of age old ideas n notions.We say society hv changed,moved ahead , then y is it tht this change is not evident in the basic beliefs n mentality of the people around us.Why do we still cherish the idea of our sons n daughter’s to be the next Einstein n Madam Curie of this nuclear age n not an artist or a dancer?If evry child was to become the next Archimedes or Ramanujan, then who the hell in this earth will take over as the next Picasso, the next Taansen..?
Why r we still running away from the larger thn life truth tht evry child cant get a seat in the IIT, AIMS or IIM.Everyone cannot be a part of the Intelegensia of the society,there has to be strata of the society tht can be named –the Mediocre’s..
The clic`hed questios tht still lingers in my mind is—How many more deaths of students like Sharmistha will it take for the opionated adherents of our so called Education System and the watch dogs of the society to realize tht the effect of the 11 letter word –EXPECTATION on young n fragile minds is phenomenon….?
Everything in this wrld seemed to move around her as if she ws hvng a ride on the Great wheel in a fair..just tht the element of fun,thrill n enjoyment ws completlely absent..everythng now seemed upside down,n slowly she cud feel her eyes closing as if they cud no longer bear the burden of these bouts of ever ending emotions, expectations and tht enormous guilt anymore..now as she closed those beautiful eyes which hd once cherished dreams of being the next Da Vinci or M.F Hussain, now all seem to elope away frm her life in the form of those crystals of tears running down her cheeks…she cud hazily see one of her creations on the wall in front of her ---
A woman sitting in a crouched position in a dark room,tears rolling down her cheek..lost in memories…carrying a gloomy mein as if lamenting over the irony of her life…
And suddenly evry single emotion tht she hd restrained to herself started to delude her mind.It seemed as if the ever dormant volcano had suddenly exploded somewhere inside her and the magma of emotions were burning each n every part of her soul with the intensity of the anger within her…She felt like screaming, screeching, howling but the cloud of drowsiness tht hd slowly strted to descend over her didn’t allow her to do so…
Every memory tht she cherished, she hated now seemed to dance in frnt of her eyes on the gloomy,morose n equally delirious tune of her soul…the feeling of De j`a vu` incircling her….The frst day she went to school...her frst class teacher Mrs Sinha…..her mom accompanying her to d art classes after school…the frst prize she won in the city level art competion….how much her parents were happy abt it…her evr cherished birthday gift tht imported art set tht her dad brought fr her….the pranks she n her frends played at school …the day mom scolded her fr getting poor marks in class 9…how much she hated science….Her frst crush…the dreaded time before 10 th boards…those sleepless nights….her mom’s constant reminder “u ought to get 90 % to get into the science stream of d best school in the city”…the results equally pathetic…Eh 90% ??Nah!a score of mere 73%...those never ending phone calls of relatives n frends enquiring about her results….whc all seemed just an effort to mock away her calibre…those endless fights wid parents over her decision to study arts instead of science….the whole week tht dad dint talk wid her…and her finally agreeing to study science…tht happiness on her dad’s face…her admission in d mediocre senior secondary school…tht sudden increase of the burden of studies…her mom coming up wid d idea of even more new tuitions everyday after evry discussion in her kitty parties and all this fueled up each time after some XYZ’s son joined a new tution…..Her still continued pathetic marks…those endless lectures by dad…”wid these marks how on this earth will u b an engineer or a doctor!!”(eh?who said she wnted to be one..) …her mom’s dialogue in d same rhetorical way---“ see , d amount of money ur dad is spending on ur coaching, You belong to a family of doctors , engineers n scientist ..how come u came out to be a jerk!cant u fr ur dad’s sake atleast clear AIMS like Mr Mehta’s son did or cant u qualify IIT ..just as Mrs Sharma’s daughter!”....
But how cud she hv when the structure of an amoeba and a phytoplankton both looked similar to her..she still depicted carbon pentavalent while drawing chemical structures…she still dint knew y an electrophile or nuceophile attacked the hexagon resembling figure tht people called benzene…the only thing tht she knew in permutation n combination ws tht 0! Ws equal to 1…it ws out of question to visualize 3D,vectors whn she cud hardly understand 2D theurems…..newton’s n archimedes’s law all seemed same to her…and she hd strted hating all those pulleys drawn all over her physics book!!..again came those evn more sleepless nights before her 12th boards ..n her mom’s oh so same question…” will u get 85 % atleast?you need to get more thn Mrs Shukla’s daughter, Remember she topped her school…your dad will so proudly announce ur results in frnt of his colleagues…remember how Mr Mishra threw a party on his son’s success"…Finally all these expectations come to an end today…a 51 % in XII boards..IITJEE?are u kidding?..AIMS?..out of question…today her disgustingly pathetic results hv made her parents head bow in frnt of all their so called relatives , well-wishers n yah!the-oh-so-famous parents of the next newtons and Einstein’s of the society…..!
She cudnot stand it anymore..the avalanche of pain…the gregarious monster of guilt and failure inside her mind had already taken up a voluptuous form and with the help of its huge tentacles ws suckimg away the Elixir of life deglutitively….the drowsiness now to its extremeties and her eyes now completely closed …her memories , dreams and tht vision now all blending and merging into tht fine line of horizon tht separates between life and death….into the darkness…yes into more groping darkness…
So Sharmistha died…leaving behind a lot question fr us to answer…Why is it tht teenagers like her who have a nack to pursue other things in life not allowed to persue their dreams…Her death is not the death of a single soul but the death of hundreds of sharmisthas who die after the declaration of board results evry year ..overburdened n after failing to satisfy evr ending expectations of guardians, teachers n peers….
In today’s 21st century ,Why is the society still coiled within d rusted chains of age old ideas n notions.We say society hv changed,moved ahead , then y is it tht this change is not evident in the basic beliefs n mentality of the people around us.Why do we still cherish the idea of our sons n daughter’s to be the next Einstein n Madam Curie of this nuclear age n not an artist or a dancer?If evry child was to become the next Archimedes or Ramanujan, then who the hell in this earth will take over as the next Picasso, the next Taansen..?
Why r we still running away from the larger thn life truth tht evry child cant get a seat in the IIT, AIMS or IIM.Everyone cannot be a part of the Intelegensia of the society,there has to be strata of the society tht can be named –the Mediocre’s..
The clic`hed questios tht still lingers in my mind is—How many more deaths of students like Sharmistha will it take for the opionated adherents of our so called Education System and the watch dogs of the society to realize tht the effect of the 11 letter word –EXPECTATION on young n fragile minds is phenomenon….?
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